2nd Avenue Deli

It's become increasingly obvious the 2nd Avenue Deli puts cocaine in their pastrami. If that's not the case, can someone please explain to me what is going on?

If you've read past posts, you're aware of my quest to understand why people crave this deli like your sexy intern craves unadulterated attention.

The following is my experience this week with the deli:


Sunday, January 27th
Minutes Spent Outside: 5
Number of times Asked, "Where is the 2nd Avenue Deli?" - 3


Tuesday, January 29th
Minutes Spent Outside: 8
Number of Times Asked, "Where is the 2nd Avenue Deli?" - 4


Wednesday, January 30th
Minutes Spent Outside: 4
Number of Times Asked, "Where is the 2nd Avenue Deli" - 2


Finally, I caved to pressure and curiosity. I'll admit, a turkey sandwich doesn't allow for much "wow" room, but I was intimidated by this mythical deli.

Step in, (doorman opens door) order. Wait. Get Receipt. Turn around, give receipt to cashier, pay. Get smiley stamp from cashier. Go back to counter. Pick up order.

Whew, that was intense.

My turkey sandwich wasn't amazing, it was turkey - on bread. But I'll cut them some slack, this order wasn't earning me gold stars for creativity. Although, the sweet pickles were extraordinary. Now that I know the process, I'll return to order some patrami and blow.

Why Am I Friends With You?

Quotes from friends - BEGGING the question, Why am I friends with you?




"I bought 200lbs of sand this morning. Sand is cheap." - Female, 26




(At a private club in Manhattan, looking around) -

"Jesus. They should put a Brooks Brothers in this place." Female, 27



Me: Do you like her?
Him: I like her fine, I'm just. . . not done being a sexual deviant. - Male, 27



(After taping a home video for a friend in Iraq)

"I'm going to get so much ass tonight. For America." - Male, 26



"Girls are crazy, no idea how you date us." - Female, 26



"Girls in boots aren't sexy. That's like saying, I wish I could bang that guy in boots but since I can't I'll bang that chick in boots."

- Male, 33

Office Dictionary

Welcome to the 1st installment of the Office Dictionary

Brought to you by:

People who like to hear themselves talk

&

Co-workers you want to strangle

1) "Let's really hit the ground running!"

What it's supposed to mean:

Conveying enthusiasm, as in "this will be great! Let's get out there and make it happen!"

What it really means:

You're going to do all the work, I'm going to take all the credit. Deal?

2) Cool beans!

What it's supposed to mean:

Awesome, perfect or great.

What it really means:

"Kill me. Please? I'm lonely and disturbed. I know there has never been nor will there ever be anything cool about beans. I don't even know how this obnoxious phrase began. My life is now so depressing It flows out of my mouth."


3) "It is what it is"

What it's supposed to mean:


No one really knows. Perhaps the king of all office cliches, the most annoying and most useless. Supposedly meaning, "This is the situation and there's no changing it."

What it really means:


"I am a terrible, horrible person. Perhaps the most annoying person in the office. Not only do I say 'It is what it is' but I most likely begin my sentences with 'let's hit the ground running' ending them with 'cool beans!'

Remind Me, Why Am I Friends With You?

Friends who make comments, begging the question, why am I friends with you? . . . . .

"Obama is foreplay without the sex. You get really excited, there's a lot of build up. But in the end, no one's satisfied." - 29, Female

Him: I have a huge man crush on Brian Williams. He captivates me. His voice gives off . . . . intense, hypnotic. . . masculinity.

Me: Yeah, I agree

-Male, 27

Him: You have to nail a lot of pigs until you find your princess.

Me: Uh, I don't think that's the saying.

Him: No. Trust me, it is.

- Male, 26

"Interviewing is like dating. You know as soon as you sit down with someone. I wanted to break up with her as soon as we met." - Female, 26

Me: Should I save for a vacation or a flat screen TV?

Him: Go with the flat screen. Watching porn on a flat screen is a vacation everyday.

- Male, 27

Things I Wish I Could Say At The Gym

"No, really - I get it's a locker room. Nakedness happens. But. . you're just kind of here, celebrating it. Parading around, back and forth. And. . .do you need to greet us at the entrance with captain kickstand?"

"Hi Chewbacca. Just another day using the gym's hair dryer on your back, eh? NICE."

"Oh, wow! I never thought about spitting the water back onto/into the nozzle. GREAT idea, you're awesome!"

"I'm listening to the Cranberries. Song is called 'Dreams.' Yeah, I'm badass."

"Weigh yourself naked. No, that's the way to go. You don't want those extra 2 ounces of underwear getting in the way."

2nd Avenue Deli

People flew from California for the Grand Opening of the 2nd Avenue Deli in Manhattan


For a deli I've never been to, the 2nd Avenue Deli (on 3rd Avenue) feels like a large part of my life. The original deli had to close its doors when their rent approached $33,000 a month. The new 2nd Avenue Deli opened on 33rd and 3rd avenue in Manhattan. For weeks, I would walk past the storefront, each day witnessing the hurried construction.

Finally, on my walk home from work, there was a line around the corner and a sign that said, "2nd Avenue Deli." A few days later I received an email from my brother to check out the "2nd Avenue Deli" and that he'd heard great things about it. Suddenly, my entire neighborhood was buzzing.

Today, I walked into MY deli to get a bacon, egg and cheese and a coffee. On my way out, a person stopped me and asked where the 2nd Avenue Deli was. I asked where they were from. "Upstate New York." They said. "We drove two hours for some pastrami." I pointed them in the right direction (15 feet, straight ahead) and have never seen four people more excited in my life.

Seconds later, another couple stopped to ask the same question. They were from Kansas. Kansas? I've never experienced word of mouth this insane.


I'm not Jewish. I hate pastrami. But I will be going to the 2nd Avenue Deli very soon.

CUBICLED received an advanced copy of Hilary Clinton's Next Debate Speech

"Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change I'm evil. Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change. Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change. Do not look directly into my eyes. Change Change for America. Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change. Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change. I will eat your children for breakfast. Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change Change."

Going Green (With Disgust)

Choices are fun. Shooting the 3 pointer or the foul throw. Ketchup or mustard. Bacon, egg and cheese or bacon, sausage and cheese. Don’t you relish the fact you can have Cindy dance for you – or Samantha? These are sacred choices, made with wisdom and analysis.

Decisions make this country great. Or so I thought. Everywhere we turn lately we’re faced with pressure to go green and save the world. Recently, I’ve felt like a polar bear murderer on a glacier of starving penguins.

The peer pressure to “go green” is relentless. The more commercials, television programs and news stories I see, the more I want to buy a Range Rover and leave Cinemax on all day.

The results of "Go Green" in Google: (I'm shocked the Acadamy Awards are going green)


TreeHugger: How to Go Green
treehugger > how to go green. 2007 Gift Guide TreeHugger's 2007 Gift Guide. Organizations to Support Worthy Causes for the Holiday Season. TH Interview ...www.treehugger.com/gogreen.php - 63k - Cached - Similar pages


Go Green Initiative -
A program that works to create a culture of environmental responsibility on school campuses throughout the United States. Includes tips for teachers, ...www.gogreeninitiative.org/ - 13k - Cached - Similar pages


10 Ways to Go Green and Save Green Worldwatch Institute
10 Ways to Go Green and Save Green. How can we live lightly on the Earth and save money at the same time? In honor of Earth Day 2006, the Worldwatch ...www.worldwatch.org/node/3915 - 23k - Cached - Similar pages
Go Green


Go Green! EPA Newsroom US EPA
Go Green! is a monthly newsletter from the US EPA with information about activities and events that everyone can use to make a difference in their homes, ...www.epa.gov/newsroom/gogreen/ - 14k - Cached - Similar pages


OSCAR.com - 79th Annual Academy Awards - Go Green
Go Green. This year, the Academy, the Oscar telecast producer Laura Ziskin and the entire production team endeavored to select supplies and services with a ...www.oscar.com/oscarnight/?pn=green - 32k - Cached - Similar pages

Buy A Diamond, Have Sex

"This is for teenagers, to help them have safe sex, right?"

You've undoubtedly noticed the commercials subtlety informing you how to have guaranteed sex. Simply buy a diamond and her clothes fall off.

Every “kiss” begins with Kay? Riiiiight, that's why I'm buying diamonds, for the kiss. Retailers know no one is saving a month's salary for a peck.

There should be cross promotional tie ins. "Every kiss begins with Kay and ends with Magnums."

No company ever came out and said, "If you buy her a diamond, you will have sex." Until now.

I’m sure you’ve seen the video. I actually respect szul.com for this blatant marketing ploy. Whether the supposed lawsuit is real or not, it’s one of the most genius viral videos of our time.

Most of all, it’s honest.

P.S.

Who is this model filing a lawsuit? How in God’s name can she claim she didn’t know what she was doing? Did she think she was moaning and grunting for an abstinence video?

Why Am I Friends With You?

Quotes taken from friends - begging the question, Why Am I Friends With You?

"I just had sex with the hottest girl. She was amazing to have sex with . . . she might have down syndrome though." - Male, 27


Me: Did you get your boss something for Xmas?
Them: "Fuck that, I did last year but this year I wouldn't give her a glass of my own piss." - Male, 26


"I should be married and popping out kids right now, not having sex with a pornstar." - Female, 26


"This new guy from our office is SO into his job. He really loves insurance. His license plate says DENIED." - Male, 27


"Girls want someone who will take them for granted - so they can spend their life convincing him not to." - Female, 28



"Well, we're going to have a lot of time on our hands. I don't care what we do - I'll do anything. I'll go watch men have gay sex in an arena!" - Male, 29